40 Dark(ish) Jokes So Twisted, They’ll Make You Laugh in the Shadows

40 Dark(ish) Jokes So Twisted, They’ll Make You Laugh in the Shadows

Not all jokes wear bright smiles—some come with a side of dry wit and just a hint of darkness. These “dark-ish” jokes walk the line between mischievous and clever, delivering laughs for those who like their humor a little shadowy, but never mean-spirited.

I told my suitcase there will be no vacations this year—now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I used to play piano by ear… but now I use my hands.

I have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

The guy who invented autocorrect is going to he’ll.

I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I once worked at a calendar factory but got fired for taking a couple of days off.

Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.

I’m great at multitasking—I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.

I wasn’t originally a fan of neck braces, but now I’m coming around.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen—I can feel it.

I just burned 1,200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyeliner too far out. She seemed distant.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.

I told my boss three companies were after me, and I needed a raise. Turns out, the electric, gas, and water companies all wanted payment.

The inventor of Velcro has passed away. RIP—rest in pieces.

My math teacher called me average. How mean!

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

I know they say money talks, but all mine says is “goodbye.”

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I told my dog it was adopted. The look on his face was ruff.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.

I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

I once met someone who didn’t like puns. We can’t be friends anymore—it’s a real pun-ishment.

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.

I told my mirror I’d start my diet tomorrow. It just reflected on my past mistakes.

My memory has gotten so bad, it’s caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

I tried to organize a hide-and-seek contest, but it was a total failure—good players are hard to find.

I asked my clock for some time off. It said, “Not on my watch.”

I once dated an electrician. She was shocking.

I told my shadow it was looking a little dark lately. It said, “Takes one to know one.”

Jokes For The Slightly Twisted

There you have it—40 clean dark-ish jokes for people who like their humor dry, clever, and just a little twisted. Perfect for sharing at work, over coffee, or when you want to sound witty without crossing the line.